Walk

As I promised, I went to the beach today. Spent some time walking there, thinking, snapping photos, enjoying the sea breeze, listening to the sound of the waves, the laughter of the kids, looking at the clear skies.

One of my thoughts is it would be nice if I own a house by the sea side, or maybe just a small chalet where my family and friends can hang out there.

Found a small hut by the beach, quite a unique structure. It was built for bbq purposes, I supposed. There were charcoals inside the small hut.


It was a nice place to walk and think of stuffs... Can choose to sit on the rocks and there is a huge tree to block the direct sun light.


Tourist are enjoying themselves there, sun bathing. Kind of relaxing though...


Was back to the hut again and looked at the clear sky...


And lastly, the most important thing....


Wish you were there...

The Firsts and Lasts Taggy

10 Firsts--
First Best Friend > Terence Leong.
First Screen name > I supposed this is online nickname. It was Microsoft.
First Pet Name > My dog's name is Bobby. Well, after reading some of the tags, it is referring to nick name or some sort. If it first nick name, mine was birdy. My high school's close friends still call me that.
First Piercing > No.
First Crush > During primary, she was the top student.
First CD > 98 Commonwealth Games.
First School > YWCA Kindergarten.
First Cries > Baby la.
First Kiss > Can't remember when, but it was given to my parents.
First Car > Owning a car, no.

9 Lasts--
Last Time You Smoked > Kindergarten, got tempted by my uncles and tried it. Almost choked myself to death.
Last Food You Ate > Home cooked food by grandma.
Last Car Ride > My aunt picked me from my mechanic.
Last Movie You Watched > World Trade Centre.
Last Phone Call > Someone who cares for me.
Last Bubble Bath You Took > No.
You Listened To > Phone call?
Last Words You Said > "Ok, good night, bye bye."

8 Have You Ever--
Dated A Best Friend > Ya.
Been Arrested > No.
Been on TV > Don't know, even I was there, I wouldn't know also.
Eaten Sushi > Ya.
Cheated On Your B/F or G/F > No. A dishonest relationship will not last.
Been On A Blind Date > No.
Been Out Of The Country > Ya.
Been In Love > Once.

7 Things You Are Wearing--
Sorry la, going to sleep soon, so nothing much to wear la.
1 > Bermuda pants.
2 > Briefs.
3 > -
4 > -
5 > -
6 > -
7 > -

6 Things You've Done Today--
1 > Sent in the car to the mechanic.
2 > Settled some financial issues.
3 > Had breakfast and talked to Ps. Kok Aun.
4 > Checked for job application's response.
5 > Made someone mad because of my stupidity. I am so sorry about it, even though again and again you emphasised that nothing to be sorry about, but I still need to say it. Sorry.
6 > Eating

5 Favorite Things --
1 > A cute doggy soft toy given by my close friend. She has been accompanying me when I was undergoing some tough situations. Love her a lot.
2 > Computer.
3 > Letters and Cards by someone important.
4 > Marks and Spencer's Biscuits.
5 > Air cond.

4 People You Most Trust--
1 > My family
2 > Grace
3 > Meng Yoe
4 > Kenneth

3 Things You Want To Do Before You Die--
1 > Get married.
2 > Spend time with someone I like, hug her as long as possible.
3 > Walk on the beach together with someone I like.

2 Choices--
Vanilla or Chocolate > Chocolate.
Hugs or Kisses > Both.

1 Person You Want To See Right Now--
The person whom I miss a lot.

Tag--
Anyone who is interested to do the tag. =)

Tomorrow I am going to walk on the beach. =)

Back in Penang

It has been two days since I drove back to Penang. Can consider as a holiday to me, I suppose. But this holiday doesn't seem to be fun.

Since two weeks ago, I have been asked many questions, and the following three questions are the frequently asked questions.

Many people asked me, how are things back there?
Everything seems to be normal, slow moving, not much changes here. The people, the house, the roads, the traffic, the environment, all of them seem to be so ordinary. To me, I am feeling empty. To be exact, I am missing somebody.

Many people asked again, exams finish already?
How I wish to record my sentence and play back to them each time they ask me that. Maybe it sounds rude, but you will know how it feels when you realised that they are asking for the sake of doing their routine jobs, not really doing it out of sincerity. When they ask the question, they already were expecting an answer – a positive answer, like “Doing quite well, not to worry.” For me, I simply follow the trend, to give the answer they wanted. I am not implying that I did badly for the papers, don't get me wrong.

Again, many people asked me, where are you going to work?
Somehow I find it quite weird, especially right after they (relatives and outsiders) asked that question, they gave me the answer as well. Come back to work in Penang, take care of your grandma.

The way they put it as if I am such an ungrateful grandson if I choose to work in KL. In my heart, I was thinking, “If you all really want the best for grandma, why not you all take the chance to take care of her? Why must you people give the responsibility to me? And I am just graduated, seeking for the job, wanting to climb the corporate ladder as fast as possible.”

They never really bother to ask what do I like to do, or what kind of job I am seeking for. They simply said things like, "Oh, Penang got many job opportunities." No doubt, Penang do has a lot of factories, but those are not the ones that I am aiming for. Even if I work there, I don't think I can climb the ladder because my interest is not there. I don't want to waste my time for doing something futile.

One thing got me mad is, some of them even said, "Listen, you need to sacrifice your career, because you have to come back and take care of your family."

I was like "Excuse me, how am I suppose to feed my family when I don't even have a job? You think money can fall from the sky, is it?"

I am so tired of being financially dependant, just giving me a sense of insecurity that I hate to feel it. I hate being pushed, I hate being used, I hate fake people!

When I already put off my mask, why must you all force me to put it on again?

Just tired.

A Little Dedication

Wanted to sing this song to mummy during her trip to my graduation next year, now seems to be impossible for me to do so.

A song by Taylor Hicks...

Song: Do I Make You Proud

I've never been the one to raise my hand,
That was not me and now that's who I am

Because of you I am standing tall,
My heart is full of endless gratitude,
You were the one, the one to guide me through,
Now I can see and I believe it's only just beginning

- Chorus -
This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

I guess I've learned, to question is to grow
That you still have faith, is all I need to know
I've learned to love, myself in spite of me
And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe

This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved, to be loved

- Chorus -
This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

- Chorus -
This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

- Chorus -
This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been now
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

I love you, mum.

Small Boy

Shouldn't be posting any entries at all because tomorrow is my paper, anyway just a quick one. Last time I posted an entry about someone is being there for me.

One question for the readers, how do you feel if you wake up one day in the morning and you realise that someone who is consistently being there for you are no longer with you?

It is tough letting it go.

Deep down inside, I have been missing someone, someone who I do not need to put on a mask when I face her.

Past few days, I had mixed feelings, not saying now I am not, still going through them. Loneliness, tireness, missing feeling, lost, distraction, heavy, fearful, helpless. All come in one nice package, and it is free of charge as well.

One thing that I feel proud of is I do not feel hopeless, and I still hope for a better tomorrow, a better future. =) A hope that keeps me going. And in faith, I ask God for His direction. Although things turn out unexpectedly, I still believe it is in God's hand.

Just a little prayer to My Daddy:

Lord, help us in handling this situation. Previous days had been restless and sleepless. We know it is going to be tough for the upcoming months or so. And Lord, we pray for Your hands to be upon us. Sustain us, guide us and lead us. Protect our health, our safety.

Lord, we pray for Your direction in this situation. Direct us in Your way. Keep us up when we feel down and discouraged. Hold us still when we feel like giving up. Lift up our burdens. Give us strength to persevere.

Lord, we thank You for being such a great God who loves and cares for us. And Lord, we want You to know that we love You too.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Wishing you were here with me at this moment.