Back in Penang

It has been two days since I drove back to Penang. Can consider as a holiday to me, I suppose. But this holiday doesn't seem to be fun.

Since two weeks ago, I have been asked many questions, and the following three questions are the frequently asked questions.

Many people asked me, how are things back there?
Everything seems to be normal, slow moving, not much changes here. The people, the house, the roads, the traffic, the environment, all of them seem to be so ordinary. To me, I am feeling empty. To be exact, I am missing somebody.

Many people asked again, exams finish already?
How I wish to record my sentence and play back to them each time they ask me that. Maybe it sounds rude, but you will know how it feels when you realised that they are asking for the sake of doing their routine jobs, not really doing it out of sincerity. When they ask the question, they already were expecting an answer – a positive answer, like “Doing quite well, not to worry.” For me, I simply follow the trend, to give the answer they wanted. I am not implying that I did badly for the papers, don't get me wrong.

Again, many people asked me, where are you going to work?
Somehow I find it quite weird, especially right after they (relatives and outsiders) asked that question, they gave me the answer as well. Come back to work in Penang, take care of your grandma.

The way they put it as if I am such an ungrateful grandson if I choose to work in KL. In my heart, I was thinking, “If you all really want the best for grandma, why not you all take the chance to take care of her? Why must you people give the responsibility to me? And I am just graduated, seeking for the job, wanting to climb the corporate ladder as fast as possible.”

They never really bother to ask what do I like to do, or what kind of job I am seeking for. They simply said things like, "Oh, Penang got many job opportunities." No doubt, Penang do has a lot of factories, but those are not the ones that I am aiming for. Even if I work there, I don't think I can climb the ladder because my interest is not there. I don't want to waste my time for doing something futile.

One thing got me mad is, some of them even said, "Listen, you need to sacrifice your career, because you have to come back and take care of your family."

I was like "Excuse me, how am I suppose to feed my family when I don't even have a job? You think money can fall from the sky, is it?"

I am so tired of being financially dependant, just giving me a sense of insecurity that I hate to feel it. I hate being pushed, I hate being used, I hate fake people!

When I already put off my mask, why must you all force me to put it on again?

Just tired.